Aeon Flux = Lame

Charlize Climbs Like Spider Man

I haven't watched the animated version of Aeon Flux, but I heard good things about it. I actually think I need to watch it. It's plot can't possibly be as contrived, as the new remake. How did they get Charlize Theron to work on this is beyond me.

The action sequences in this movie are so over the top, that they just don't seem believable. Aeon climbs the walls like spiderman, jumps like cat woman, and fights better than Neo on crack. She basically can take on an a whole legion of angry guards armed with just two semi-automatics. And no one ever bothers to explain why is she so bad-ass good. Did she train allot? Is she somehow enhanced, like her partner who got opposable thumbs installed her feet? We don't know...

When her partner (whom she trained herself) tries to sneak up on her from behind, Aeon knows about her without even looking back. Yet, 10 minutes later she gets knocked out by a blow from behind that she never saw coming. Where did her super senses go?

The whole movie seems disjointed and rushed. Some parts have absolutely no transition or continuity whatsoever. People seem to just appear in various scenes at just the right moment without any explanation or logic. Many trivial, yet quite important things remain unexplained. For example, how does Aeon get off the floating ship the first time around?

The plot itself is lame. You want to tell me that a society that perfected cloning technique, can't figure out how to deal with infertility? Let me get this straight - they perfectly can recycle the DNA, but they can't mix it up to introduce new genetic lines? Why are some women not sterile? What causes the sterility?

Little things like that are left out of the movie completely. I really wouldn't mind sacrificing some of the ridiculous fight sequences to talk about the science. After all, this is the integral part of the story. The general message of this movie seems to be: "Cloning is bad, mmmmmkey. Go look at some flashy fight sequence - nothing more to see here."

When Frank Herbert introduced the bullshit concept of genetic memory, I was willing to suspend my disbelief. But Herbert used the Spice as a convenient excuse. Without the spice, you could not unlock it. But in Aeon flux, ordinary people seem to carry genetic memories of their past lives. And for some reason, each time they get cloned their minds deteriorate some more... Why? I don't know. No one knows. Cloning is bad, mmmmkey.

I'm really trying my best to buy your shit here, but trow me a bone for God's sake. Why is cloning so fucking horrible? Why does Aeon think that "living like this is a torture"? I should really get the animated version to try make some sense out of this.

The main kicker - the turning point of the story, falls somewhere in the middle of the movie. There is a little mystery at the beginning but the big revelation comes way to soon to build up any suspense. And from that point on, the rest of the movie seems like a filler.

The whole picture can be summarized as follows:

1. Charlize Looks Cute
2. Charlize Kicks Ass
3. Charlize has no chemistry with the leading man
   
4. Lots of people die
5. Everyone is a clone
6. Fuck continuity
7. Fuck details
8. Did I mention lots of people die?
9. Charlize Looks Cute

That's about all there is to it. Don't waste your money on this crap.

Tags: aeon flux, charlize theron, movies, reviews, theather, holywood sux